do I feel better now?

I've just sent my brother's ex an email with all the questions that that have been swimming around in my head for the last 18 days.

That's supposed to help right, even if she doesn't write back...

So, do I feel better now? No, not really.

I think I feel like all of this is real for the first time now. Like I've been denying it up until now. She wasn't just my brother's fiance, she was my friend as well...I know it's selfish to be thinking of myself on what was to be his wedding day, and I am sad for him more than myself, but I think it has finally hit me that all of this is real...

and I don't want it to be...