Darkside Taurus
_ Darkside Taurus _
Disclaimer: not my creation, taken from the book Darkside Zodiac by Stella Hyde.
_Taurus:
A stubborn, sybaritic, rut-bound bully, fueled by dull resentment and an insatiable love of money. A taurus is a hidebound, reactionary Ubermaterialist, superglued into a rut several feet deep. You are obstinate and an opinionated authoritarian. What you really like is stuff: in your mouth, on your plate, in your bank, in your bed, in the bag. You stubbornly refuse to accept the folk wisdom that tells us we can't always get what we want. And when you've got stuff, you hold on to it with a grip that it would be laughable to describe as viselike. Possessive seems too weak a word. And the evil spawn of possessiveness is murderous jealousy and resentment. You are possessive, jealous and resentful of the people in your life too. You timetable their every hour and always want to know where they are.
Your pig-headed obstinancy, obdurate opinions, and refusal to change are a result of a lack of imagination. Your little bully brain can't compute more than two variables at once, so when faced with something complex or unusual, you go rigid and do what you have always done. Often that is nothing, so you tend to get buried alive by avalanches you refuse to notice. What softens your tough hide is your self-indulgent hedonism. Your favorite deadly sin is greed.
Taureans don't get much hassle; standing still, looking solid, usually does it for you. You can only be prodded into action if your food or money supply is threatened.
In bed, once you've learned how to make the earth move, you just keep on singing the same old song. It gives a whole new meaning to the word "rutting." Lovers have suffocated from boredom in your bed. You resent any attempt to bring a little novelty or spontaneity into the routine. Show you a Kama Sutra and you'd try to eat it. When you've got someone, you hang on to them. Even if your lover tries all 50 ways to leave, you still follow them around bellowing piteously. This is called stalking.
You usually stand alone. You have friends, but they are the those whom you meet in the same place, the same time, on the same day of every month. Everybody always does what you want to do; you think this is because they agree with your choice. In fact they are being pragmatic; they just know your olympic obduracy. In marriage, you make it very clear that it's going to be your way or nothing.
In work, you have always steered clear of anything marked vocation or social conscience, because the only thing you care about is the paycheck. This means you will do more or less anything, as long as you don't have to respond to emergencies or get too sweaty. Colleagues soon learn not to walk on your patch of carpet, never to rearrange the ornaments on your desk, and never ever to use your special mug. They also learn not to ask you for a decision unless they have a month hidden in the job schedule.
On vacations, you tend to go to the same places you've always went. You are addicted to guided tours.
^ Darkside Aries ^
Disclaimer: not my creation, taken from the book Darkside Zodiac by Stella Hyde.
^ Aries:Aries is a loud, overconfident, aggressive thug with way too many Y chromosomes and a will of titanium and granite. You are all about "me-time" and don't really care how anyone goes about giving it to you. You're greedy, aggressive, argumentative, restless, willful, confrontational, headstrong and self-obsessed. You are the zodiac's permanently enraged adolescent. You have a "problem with authority." You are not subtle. No one will ever find you sitting quietly brooding or pondering. You blunder through the world, looking for new frontiers to smash. Nobody tells an Aries what to do. You have never willingly finished anything in your life. You're just one big booster rocket, all fired up for blastoff, and falling away as soon as your boredom threshold is reached. Some of you can't even get to the end of a sentence before moving on.
Pathologically, addictively competitive, you have to come first in everything and you will do anything to win, as your concept of fair play means that you triumph. If you want to say something nasty about someone, you don't sneak around. You just open your mouth and blast away. Aries is typically a bloodlusty, violent braggart. You don't tolerate opposition or even a mild difference of opinion.
Sex is just another extreme sport as far as you are concerned. You don't like to waste time. Foreplay is for wimps. You are strictly a notches-on-the-bedpost kind of person. You always need to be told that you are the first and best lover you're partner's ever had. Your affairs burn with a gemlike flame for several days, during which time you are extravagantly possessive and jealous every time your prey steps out for a comfort break. Lust does not quench your competitive spirt. You have to do it harder, faster, longer and quicker than anybody else.
In love and relationships, once you get the prize, you wander off to find a new challenge. You have very few friends because people refuse to do everything you say, admire your every action and not criticize anything you do. You have to be in control at any social event, even when you're a guest. You insist on running your friends' and family's lives for them. Plus, you get ragingly jealous if any of your friends demonstrates the slightest ability to do anything better than you. If that occurs, you are forced to cut them loose and acquire new friends. You fall in love hard and often, but out of love just as frequently.
In work, you have to run the show. You think you know better than anyone else how to do the job. You are hired for your energy, direction and drive; however, you come in, shout with confidence, act aggressively, meanwhile alienating the workforce and tearing down old systems. You don't put in anything new in place, though. Brash, crass, and insensitive, you are a nightmare to work with because you never listen, are morbidly competitive, throw hissy fits and you can't stand being told what to do. If for some reason you do get fired, you go on a rampage of revenge.
At home, you are obsessed with gadgets and see no reason to tidy up. You are a junkyard transitional. You never knowingly finish a renovation job. The color that suits you best is red.
I enjoyed the gemini one although it relates to me a little too closely.
March 18 1:01 PM
Published by: Ev
Disclaimer: not my creation, taken from the book Darkside Zodiac by Stella Hyde.
^ Aries:
Aries is a loud, overconfident, aggressive thug with way too many Y chromosomes and a will of titanium and granite. You are all about "me-time" and don't really care how anyone goes about giving it to you. You're greedy, aggressive, argumentative, restless, willful, confrontational, headstrong and self-obsessed. You are the zodiac's permanently enraged adolescent. You have a "problem with authority." You are not subtle. No one will ever find you sitting quietly brooding or pondering. You blunder through the world, looking for new frontiers to smash. Nobody tells an Aries what to do. You have never willingly finished anything in your life. You're just one big booster rocket, all fired up for blastoff, and falling away as soon as your boredom threshold is reached. Some of you can't even get to the end of a sentence before moving on.
Pathologically, addictively competitive, you have to come first in everything and you will do anything to win, as your concept of fair play means that you triumph. If you want to say something nasty about someone, you don't sneak around. You just open your mouth and blast away. Aries is typically a bloodlusty, violent braggart. You don't tolerate opposition or even a mild difference of opinion.
Sex is just another extreme sport as far as you are concerned. You don't like to waste time. Foreplay is for wimps. You are strictly a notches-on-the-bedpost kind of person. You always need to be told that you are the first and best lover you're partner's ever had. Your affairs burn with a gemlike flame for several days, during which time you are extravagantly possessive and jealous every time your prey steps out for a comfort break. Lust does not quench your competitive spirt. You have to do it harder, faster, longer and quicker than anybody else.
In love and relationships, once you get the prize, you wander off to find a new challenge. You have very few friends because people refuse to do everything you say, admire your every action and not criticize anything you do. You have to be in control at any social event, even when you're a guest. You insist on running your friends' and family's lives for them. Plus, you get ragingly jealous if any of your friends demonstrates the slightest ability to do anything better than you. If that occurs, you are forced to cut them loose and acquire new friends. You fall in love hard and often, but out of love just as frequently.
In work, you have to run the show. You think you know better than anyone else how to do the job. You are hired for your energy, direction and drive; however, you come in, shout with confidence, act aggressively, meanwhile alienating the workforce and tearing down old systems. You don't put in anything new in place, though. Brash, crass, and insensitive, you are a nightmare to work with because you never listen, are morbidly competitive, throw hissy fits and you can't stand being told what to do. If for some reason you do get fired, you go on a rampage of revenge.
At home, you are obsessed with gadgets and see no reason to tidy up. You are a junkyard transitional. You never knowingly finish a renovation job. The color that suits you best is red.
Pathologically, addictively competitive, you have to come first in everything and you will do anything to win, as your concept of fair play means that you triumph. If you want to say something nasty about someone, you don't sneak around. You just open your mouth and blast away. Aries is typically a bloodlusty, violent braggart. You don't tolerate opposition or even a mild difference of opinion.
Sex is just another extreme sport as far as you are concerned. You don't like to waste time. Foreplay is for wimps. You are strictly a notches-on-the-bedpost kind of person. You always need to be told that you are the first and best lover you're partner's ever had. Your affairs burn with a gemlike flame for several days, during which time you are extravagantly possessive and jealous every time your prey steps out for a comfort break. Lust does not quench your competitive spirt. You have to do it harder, faster, longer and quicker than anybody else.
In love and relationships, once you get the prize, you wander off to find a new challenge. You have very few friends because people refuse to do everything you say, admire your every action and not criticize anything you do. You have to be in control at any social event, even when you're a guest. You insist on running your friends' and family's lives for them. Plus, you get ragingly jealous if any of your friends demonstrates the slightest ability to do anything better than you. If that occurs, you are forced to cut them loose and acquire new friends. You fall in love hard and often, but out of love just as frequently.
In work, you have to run the show. You think you know better than anyone else how to do the job. You are hired for your energy, direction and drive; however, you come in, shout with confidence, act aggressively, meanwhile alienating the workforce and tearing down old systems. You don't put in anything new in place, though. Brash, crass, and insensitive, you are a nightmare to work with because you never listen, are morbidly competitive, throw hissy fits and you can't stand being told what to do. If for some reason you do get fired, you go on a rampage of revenge.
At home, you are obsessed with gadgets and see no reason to tidy up. You are a junkyard transitional. You never knowingly finish a renovation job. The color that suits you best is red.
I enjoyed the gemini one although it relates to me a little too closely.
March 18 1:01 PM
Published by: Ev
posted by The Melody Censor at 1:02 AM
0 comment:
Post a Comment
<< Home